Someone is Checking You Out!
by Car
Summary: Stupid frog...England was NOT lonely. And he CERTAINLY didn't need to join a bloody online dating website.


**I didn't wanna start anything new right after TftP, but thanks to a fantastic prompt from a random prompt generator I found on google, I HAD to. Thus, this! Enjoy!**

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"Get your arse off my bloody computer, frog."

"All in good time, _mon cher_! Just need to add the finishing touches…"

"Now, France. _Off_."

"_Un moment, mon ami_!" Dancing his fingers across the keyboard, France ended his sentence with an exaggerated tap of the period key, and leaned back to read over his masterpiece with a contented, blissful sigh.

"Okay, you've finished, now sod off."

France laughed, spinning to face England on the swivel desk chair, causing him to promptly jump back in defense. "I am not _quite_ done, _l'Angleterre_. Say _fromage_!" Pulling a camera from god knows where, he quickly snapped a picture of the scowling nation and examined it on the digital screen. "Aw, you blinked."

"Give me that!" England scowled, ripping the camera from France and tossing it aside. "Get off of my fucking computer and get out of my fucking house. Whatever hair brained scheme you've somehow concocted in that stale croissant you call a head, I want absolutely no part of it."

France sighed dramatically, wrapping an arm around the fuming England's shoulders, who instantly tried to wiggle from his grasp. "I am afraid I can not do that, _l'Angleterre douce,_ for I am here, not for my own personal pleasure, but on a quest in the name of _l'amour!_"

England crossed his arms with a huff and tried once again to escape France's grasp. "I don't want your bloody_ l'amour_."

"I will give it to you anyway!"

"Of course you will."

"Now!" France exclaimed, forcing England into the chair and spinning it back to face the computer screen. "Let me show you what I have done here, _oui_?"

England grumbled. "I suppose you wont give me much of a fucking choice."

Ignoring the remark, France proceeded to gesture to the screen, animatedly describing the entire page to England excitedly. "Now, this right here is your interest section. I took the liberty of filling it full of your favorite things. _De rien_!"

England cocked an eyebrow, leaning forward in order to better read the screen. "'All night masturbation marathons, watching and taking part in erotic films, _explicit sexual conduct with imaginary creatures?_' What the fuck is _THIS?_"

"You may change it later if you please," France replied simply, waving him off. "Now, this is _le plus important _section! You're biography."

"Do I even want to know what you wrote?"

"Probably not."

"Brilliant."

"You may change that later as well." England scoffed. "Now, in this box will be your _photo_, once we are able to capture one that does not look _too_ hideous, of course." He once again pulled a camera out of nowhere and held it up to England happily. "_Sourire, mon cher!"_

England continued to scowl as the flash went off. France pouted at the screen.

"I suppose the picture can wait," he mumbled sadly.

"France, what is the fucking point of all this?" England asked, holding the bridge of his nose. "America has already made me a Facebook I never use, I don't need another social networking-"

France gasped, shaking his head. "_Non, non, mon am_i! This is not a social network at all!"

England narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Then what, pray tell, _is _it?"

"An online dating website!"

600 miles away, Germany could almost swear he heard the faint echo of a Frenchman being tortured.

* * *

Once France had been forcibly and violently (though not nearly as violently as England would have preferred) removed from England's home, the nation decided it was quite a good time to relax with a good book and a steaming cup of tea.

Rather, he would have _liked_ to relax with a good book and a steaming cup of tea, but the damn computer kept _mocking_ him, dammit, and it had absolutely no right to be doing that.

Peaking over the top of his book, England's eyes locked onto the glowing screen across the room. He glared.

"Bugger off."

The computer hummed in response. England scowled.

Honestly, what right did France have signing him up for the blasted website anyway? Sure he hadn't exactly been…_on the scene_, you could say, for a while now, but that was entirely of his own choice! He didn't _want_ to be romantically involved. Why would he? All that unnecessary spending on stupid little dates, having to check with another person before making plans, limiting ones diet to whatever _they_ like to eat, the hand holding…the sweet nothings…the late night, barefoot walks along the beach in the moonlight…dancing under the stars…

Bloody hell, he was lonely.

Biting his lip and checking over his shoulder to make sure France hadn't snuck back in somehow (it wouldn't be the first time), England slipped from his chair, whistling innocently as he wandered across the room to the computer in the corner.

It wouldn't hurt to simply _look_, would it? After all, the wanker had paid for his subscription, and even though it was _France_, it would be rude of him to make him waste that money…

First thing was first; he had some editing to do. '_Explicit sexual conduct with imaginary creatures'. _Honestly. That rubbish was the first to go. After a bit of typing, and some excessive use of spell check, England was relatively satisfied with his revised profile.

Sex: Male

Age: 23

Location: United Kingdom

Interests: Cooking, embroidery, intelligent conversation, craftsmanship, fine literature, and rock music.

Profile/Looking For: Honestly, I am only doing this because an acquaintance of mine bought an account for me, and it would be rude to let it go to waste. I am only interested in intellectual individuals, so if you are a bumbling idiot, or just American, please stay clear.

There, that was quite nice, wasn't it? Much better than that nonsense France had written. He had read up to something about him being 'horny as a unicorn' before erasing it all. England smiled, admiring his job well done as a small ping alerted his attention to a new inbox message.

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Hey, r u so ugly u don't even wanna post a pic? :P**

England's cheeks puffed up in irritation. The _nerve_! No wonder this git was single and using an online dating site if he was that rude. He clicked on the link that led to his profile, and gave it a quick once over.

Sex: Yes, please

Age: 19

Location: United States

Well, that was certainly all he needed to see. Cracking his knuckles, he set to work on his reply.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**I notice you don't have a picture either, so can I safely assume the same for you? And I believe I specifically said no idiots or Americans, and since it appears you are both, I will kindly ask you to leave me alone. **

Another ping. England blinked in surprise. That was rather fast.

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**What do u have against Americans?**

England scoffed.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**I've had some less than ideal experiences. **

Ping.

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Aw, thats too bad. Broken heart or something?**

England bit his lip. Broken heart? That was a laugh. Like America had broken his heart. Ha! Sure he raised the boy, taught him his language, gave him a home, fed him, clothed him, nurtured him, loved him…only to be tossed away like an old shoe because the little prat wanted his precious independence, and had been nothing but a complete and total, absolutely beautiful jerk to him ever since.

Broken heart. Pfft.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**I suppose you could say something like that. **

He blushed as the computer pinged once again,

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**That's 2 bad dude. That why ur doing this whole online dating thing?**

England chuckled a little before typing out his reply.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**No, that would be the fault of a certain French colleague of mine. Apparently I'm "lonely". It's quite stupid if you ask me. No offence of course.**

Ping

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Hahahaha! No worries I just made this account cause I like to make fun of all creepers on here. U seem kewl tho. **

Hmm. Cool, huh? That was…refreshing. England allowed himself a small smile.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Oh? How so? **

Ping.

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**I dunno! U just seem like a kewl guy. Ur honest, unlike most ppl on this site. ;P I like u!**

England smiled softly. Maybe France had the right idea with this internet dating thing…Sure this guy obviously wasn't looking for anything romantic in this encounter (neither was he of course), and had god-awful grammar, and couldn't spell if his life depended on it, but he seemed like a decent lad.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**I suppose you're not as bad as I originally thought, as well. **

Ping,

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Hey how would u like to grab a coffee or something? I promise I'm not sum 40y/o balding, creeper rapist or nething. What do u say?**

He blinked in shock. Did he just…ask him on a date? That was… Well that was quite forward, wasn't it? They had been talking for what, ten minutes?

England flushed. Suppose he could…no, that was crazy. He didn't even know this guy, and he _definitely_ wasn't the type of guy to just go around and meet up with random people on the Internet.

But then again…

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Sorry, but I don't think a trip to America just to get a beverage I don't even particularly enjoy with someone I met only a few minutes ago on the internet is quite in my budget at the moment. **

There. That was a completely logical, sensible response to a question like that. Honestly, what was that twat think-

Ping

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**I'm in London on business actually, so u don't even need to worry about money! And u can get tea u know, it don't matter to me! Wut do u have 2 lose?**

England blinked. Wait a tick…

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**What makes you think I'm in London?**

Ping

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Just a hunch. C'mon, It'll b fun! Let me redeem my people and show u not all us Americans r that bad. My treat?**

England felt his boundaries begin to crumble, and he wasn't sure he particularly felt comfortable with that. Narrowing his eyes, he typed his response quickly, like someone would pop up and confront him on his choices before he got the chance to click 'send'.

Maybe it was crazy. But England had a bit of a suspicion…

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**How would I even spot you? **

Ping

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Does this mean u wanna meet up?**

England pursed his lips.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Perhaps, but I want to see you first.**

Ping

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Sure thing! I'll put up a pic right now. **

England refreshed his new friend's profile until a picture finally appeared in the previously empty box to the left of the screen. England's eyes widened before narrowing into a glare as he began roughly pounding on the keys.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**That is a picture of Superman. Not even a picture of an actor portraying Superman, but a picture of a cartoon, animated Superman. If you are not going to take this seriously, then I see no reason in even continuing this conversation.**

He tapped his fingers impatiently on the desk as he waited for the next ping.

Ping

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Hahahaha! Sorry dude, I couldn't help it! That's about as close 2 me as ur gonna get, tho. C'mon, pleeeese? I'll let u pick the place!**

England pouted. So he was going to make this difficult, was he? Well, at least he pretty much solidified his hypothesis…

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**You really aren't going to leave me alone until I agree, are you?**

Ping

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**Nope! :D**

England sighed.

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**So how am I going to recognize you, then? **

Ping

**Someone is Checking You Out!**

**I'll wear a cape! I have 2. Superman or batman? U pick! **

He raised an eyebrow. A _cape_? Really?

**Re: Someone is Checking You Out!**

**I suppose that will have to work, if you aren't going to show me a picture. Let's go with Batman, I've always preferred him, much less flashy. **

**Now, as for where we will meet up…**

* * *

England stood awkwardly in front of the small café he told his online friend to meet him in and ran his hand though his slightly damp hair. It was raining of course, that was nothing new, but at least it was warm.

With a deep breath, the door was pushed open, the jingle of bells alerting the five or so people inside the shop of his arrival. The young man behind the counter peaked up from a blender and gave him a small smile before returning to his task, and England retuned the gesture with a little wave as his eyes scanned the round, wooden tables. He knew exactly what he was looking for, and it wasn't a black cape.

He bit his lip as his eyes landed on a familiar cowlick of blond hair peaking over the top of a booth in the far back corner. Against his will, the corners of his mouth turned up into an amused smile as he quietly snuck across the room.

"The cape really wasn't necessary you git, I knew it was you."

America beamed, a frozen coffee beverage with _way_ too much whip cream resting in his hand on the table. "Yeah, but who could turn down a chance to wear a cape? Sit down, I ordered you a tea."

England sat, right as the cup of tea was placed in front of him. Thanking the waitress, he took a long sip before fixing his eyes on the American across the table. "So France told you about my online dating profile, did he?"

"Nah, the whole thing was totally my idea." He slurped his sugary drink loudly. "France was just a _very_ willing sidekick in the operation."

England rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "Well, get to it, then." At America's confused look, he smirked and leaned playfully over the table. "_Redeem_ _your people_."

America grinned, fully intent on fulfilling his promise.

* * *

**As much as I hate writing France because my traslater pretty much makes me it's bitch, I LOVE writing as him. XD Oh France, ilu. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this, I had a lot of fun writing it! **

**Which reminds me, I'm thinking of making a forum on here, because I feel there aren't any just plain Hetalia forums that have nothing to do with RPing, caaause I don't RP, and I have no where to go. SO yeah, just a thought. Haha! Anyway, have a great day everyone!  
**


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